::Guest Post:: Birth Changed Me
Birth Changed Me by Elizabeth Cravillion
Becoming a mother changes us as women forever. Think about how often stories of our labor or delivery come up in conversation with other moms. Sometimes even women who barely know each other eagerly share their birth or adoption stories.
I think, in our longing to connect, we offer our stories to others as a glimpse of our true selves that the raw process of becoming a mother has shown us.
I have birthed three children who each have incredible determination. Daily I remind myself, while training them to use this quality positively, that this is actually a good thing. Call it stubbornness, call it passion - determination carried me and changed me through each of their births.
Before my first delivery, I was scared to death of labor.
I wished myself miles away during my hospital birthing classes and avoided thinking about my upcoming delivery at all costs. So going into labor kicked my anxiety into full gear. I’ll never forget the rising panic in my chest when I realized I’d have to push out the baby. My midwife looked me in the eye and said, “It’s up to you to decide to get this baby out.” And I clenched my teeth and did it. Birth showed me my fear of the unknown and yet my ability to face it head-on.
Fighting against the labor process with that birth caused some muscle trauma in my perineal area that never completely healed until my second pregnancy. I chose to change how I viewed birth by speaking words of safety and healing to my body to help myself believe I could actually give birth as I’d been designed to do. I used comfrey-soaked poultices and essential oils to help my muscles heal. When my labor began, I repeatedly quoted a spiritual phrase: “God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control,” and experienced complete peace throughout the labor. Birth showed me my strength to overcome.
I’ve never considered myself very self-disciplined but becoming a mother has changed that.
As I labored with my third child, both my doula and my husband were surprised when my doctor stated that I was dilated and ready to deliver. I had labored calmly and confidently, deeply breathing soothing lavender oil and riding the contractions’ rise and fall with self-discipline I never knew I had. Birth showed me my willpower to accept pain and embrace the beauty that comes of it.
In preparation for delivery or reflection on a past experience of stepping into motherhood, we can choose to be open to what it may show us. As we accept what may seem negative, like fear or anxiety, we can speak truth over those things. They do not define us. And we can be proud of how we displayed qualities like courage, determination or serenity.
Let’s embrace that this process will change us and show us both who we are and who we have the potential to become.
Elizabeth Cravillion, writer and mother of three